Almaz Messenger

What’s your full name?

Almaz Leah-Abigail Messenger.

Where were you born/brought up?

I was born in London, moved around various places in Hampshire, then back to London when I was 10.

What do you do for a living?

I'm a secondary school teacher.

What’s your ethnicity?

Black British (My mother was born here but her parents were from Montserrat in the Caribbean) and White British. A genetic test I took says on my dad's side there's quite a lot of French and German amongst other things and my Mum's ancestors, before the African diaspora are mostly from Nigeria with a sizeable amount from Ghana, Liberia and Sierra Leone.

How did your mum and dad meet?

They were both converts to the Seventh Day Adventist church at the same time.

How old were you when you became conscious that people saw you differently? What impact did that have on you?

When living outside of London in primary school, my peers (my school was mostly white) started to say things like 'Have you painted your skin?' and 'why is your hair like that?' Then later on when I moved to London and attended a mostly black Jamaican church my peers sometimes made comments about white people, particularly white girls and I remember thinking 'but I've got a white Dad!'. However, I definitely felt 'more black than white' in both black and white spaces.

Describe your most memorable moments when you were made aware of being mixed race.

Straightening my hair for job interviews to make it more 'professional looking' always reminded me of my 'otherness'. Also, a man when I lived in Spain grabbing my hair in the street and telling me to cut it off was pretty memorable.

Do you feel your parents prepared you for life as a mixed race person?

Definitely – I remember having books and material about what it means to be mixed-race and my mother especially was very open to talking about it.

What ignorant comments have you heard about being mixed-race that really rile you?

That I'm acting 'too white'. That being mixed-race just means I'm made up of halves when it's an identity in itself.

What do you wish people who aren’t mixed-race understood?

That I'm not a representative for all people who are my 'mix' or black people as a whole. It can be pretty hard trying to show that we aren't all the same or that certain things can't be just assumed about me because I'm mixed. It has created extra -sometimes subconscious-anxiety around seemingly normal situations.

Do you think mixed race people/families are well represented in the media?

It's definitely getting better – recently on the BBC, that drama Years and Years followed a mixed race family – and it was nice for me to watch as in a mix like mine, where the mother is of African ancestry and the father of European – it's usually depicted the other way around. And is usually a single-parent family.

Back in the late 19th century/early 20th century being mixed race held a stigma, as it was clear proof of interracial relations which was seen as an affront to society’s morals. Do you think it’s easier nowadays to be mixed race or is it more that racism has become subtler?

It's definitely easier. But also, racism has got more subtle. I think more overt racism has been worming it's way out of the woodwork again more recently. Talking seems to me to be the best way. Constant, exhausting, talking. Understanding how we've all been brought up in a society which silently has racism mixed into it's cement is a difficult process, overcoming all these internal biases we have, dismantling it brick by brick. I think it can be hard for people who do not experience racism as it means opening their eyes to something that they can so easily ignore as it won't touch them personally. Being mixed race gives you a unique perspective I think – it really lets you see how this constructed 'race' system is really, a load of bullshit. Reducing people to colours when there is a whole spectrum of richness to identify people by seems so backwards.

Is being mixed race a burden or a blessing for you?

Definitely a blessing! I've always felt lucky to be mixed-race.

Have you felt a struggle with your identity? If so, how did you deal with it and if you are now at peace with who you are, how did you come to a place of self-acceptance?

I only struggled when people told me I was 'acting too white' or when people just saw me as 'Black' and that's it. I wasn't either of those things. I think it was easier when I was younger to just identify as black, and I still do sometimes – as soon as you don't look completely white you are already seen as the 'other' especially in white spaces. I definitely feel more at peace now.

What advice would you give yourself?

Keep learning, all the time, even if you have to search for the lesson.

Is there anything more you’d like to say?

I think the work you are doing is so important! Especially for younger mixed race people who might be struggling with their identity or don't feel represented anywhere – so thanks for the opportunity!